Tuesday, 28 June 2005

Real life Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Just finished watching the movie and it got me thinking: how long is it going to be until me and Su Yin's gonna just go through the motions when we are married? Its really strange but its happening in the real world. There are a lot of Mr and Mrs Smith out there, out of touch with each other as they go through their busy schedules and feeling very frustrated. Although they might not fight with each other with guns n knives like in the movie, but a lot of married couples do fight with words and cold shoulders instead, and sometimes i think its even more painful and hurting to use the latter.

Even in our relationship right now, there are times when Su Yin and I will quarrel for the smallest reasons and yet I do know both of us love each other very much. There's just a lot of unmet expectations that we brought into the relationship. The question is, how do we avoid such problems? Or are they unavoidable? If so, how do we overcome them?

There are many advices given by lots of people, Christian and secular, and I have read or heard of some of these advices, like resolve your issues before going to bed, argue objectively, don't point fingers, refrain from using hurtful words, don't bring up the past and stuff... Some of these advices are good, and do-able, and others easier said than done. Still, it has to rely on one element, and that is that the couple both carry them out and often that is not the case. Usually one party is so blinded by rage that he/she does not see the both of them as one but only at him/herself. The other party is so desperate to keep it together that he/she gives in, or worse both parties just won't take the first step. Who says a relationship is easy.

There is no secret formula nor is there a perfect plan for a relationship. Relationships are made out of 2 people from very different worlds, coming together and deciding to trust the other with his/her feelings, likes and dislikes, strength and weaknesses... hoping that it will all work out.

I believe we all can but it does take a lots of effort, patience, tolerance, love, prayers from both parties AND a whole lot of God's favor to make it work and that's the hard part... but if it does work, it is beautiful, not perfect (as we are always working towards perfection) but beautiful. :)

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